Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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