even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There r osticjed everywhere
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
