Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize