I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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