I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
