I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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