i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She bit a glass in half.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
