my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
