i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
