i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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