I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
