Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
