So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
