Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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