The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
