I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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