You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
