Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
