I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize