i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
