HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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