Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
