no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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