You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
