5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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