He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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