Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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