Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize