I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
