Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
