one two three fourrrrnication!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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