And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
