Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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