he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My cat gives me a boner
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
