I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
