woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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