can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
