wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
