He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
