and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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