Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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