Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So squirting runs in the family.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize