I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
