saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize