I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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