Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
