Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
