Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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