I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
