i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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