i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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