brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
