Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
