Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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