Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
