I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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