I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
