To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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