upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
