Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
