Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have post one night stand depression
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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