I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
