I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
