Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
