what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She bit a glass in half.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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