I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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