You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
