she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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