OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
