I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
