What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
