She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
