Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
